Vampire Jokes Vampire Jokes Q: What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack? A: Count Duckula Q: What does a vampire fear most? A: Tooth decay Q: Where did the vampire open his savings account? A: At a blood bank Q: What does a baby bat say before going to bed? A: Turn on the dark. I'm afraid of the light! Q: What is Transylvania? A: Dracula's terror-tory Q: Where does Dracula water ski? A: On Lake Erie Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween night? A: By blood vessels. Q: What's the part of a restaurant where vampires don't suck blood? A: The non-Suckers section. Q: What kind of ship does Dracula own A: Blood vessel. Q: Why doesn't anyone like Count Dracula? A: He's a pain in the neck. Q: What do you call Count Dracula's cookout? A: Vampire camfire. Q: What does Dracula say when introduced to someone? A: "Hello, pleased to eat you!" Q: How do vampires drive around? A: In their bloodmobiles. Q: What is Dracula's position in baseball? A: Batboy Q: Who is the Dracula's super hero girl friend? A: Bat Ghoul. Q: What is the largest building in Transylvania? A: The Vampire State Building. Q: Why did Dracula go to jail? A: Because he robbed the blood bank. Q: What's a vampire's favorite feast? A: Fangsgiving Day dinner. Q: Why did the vampire's lunch give him heartburn? A: It was a stake sandwich. Q: What do you call a dog owned by Dracula? A: A blood hound. Q: What is a vampire's favorite fruit? A: A neck-tarine. Q: Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist? A: Because he likes to draw blood! Q: Whom did Dracula take out on a date? A: His ghoul friend! Q: What is the best way to talk to Count DraculA: A: Long distance. Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire with a computer? A: A know-it-all, that's really a pain in the neck. Q: Which building does Dracula visit in New York? A: The Vampire State Building. Q: Who is a vampire likey to fall in love with? A: The girl necks door. Q: What's it like to be kissed by a vampire? A: It's a pain in the neck. Q: How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery? A: All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts. Q: How does a girl vampire flirt? A: She bats her eyes. Q: Was Dracula ever married? A: No he's a bat-chelor. Q: Where does Dracula keep his valuables? A: In a blood bank. Q: What did the kid vampire say to his mommy at bedtime? A: "Mommy, turn off the switch. I'm afraid of the light!" Q: What is worst than a hungry vampire? A: A thirsty vampire. Q: Why did the teacher send Dracula jr. home? A: Because he was coffin too much. Q: What do you give a vampire with a cold? A: Coffin Drops! Q: What does a weight-conscious vampire drink? A: Blood Light. Q: What is the favorite test that vampires love to take? A: A blood test. Q: What did the teacher say to Dracula after he failed his math test? A: Can't you count Dracula! Q: What is a vampire's favorite game? A: Bat-miton. Q: What is a vampire's favorite fruit? A: A neck-tarine. Q: Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist? A: Because he likes to draw blood! Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash? A: He had bat breath. Q: What is the best way to talk to Count DraculA: A: Long distance. Q: Why didn't Dracula get married? A: He never met a nice Ghoul! Q: What is Count Dracula's favourite snack? A: .A fangfurter ! Q: What is red, sweet and bites people ? A: A jampire ! Q: What do you call a dog owned by Dracula ? A: A blood hound ! Q: What was the Californian vampire hippy like ? A: He was ghoul man, real ghoul ! Q: What's a vampire's favourite sport ? A: Batminton ! Q: What happened to the mad vampire ? A: He went a little batty ! Q: What do vampires have at eleven o'clock every day ? A: A coffin break ! Q: How does a vampire like his food served ? A: In bite sized pieces ! Q: Where do vampires go on holiday ? A: The Isle of Fright ! Q: Why did the vampire take up acting ? A: It was in his blood ! Q: Who plays centre forward for the vampire football team ? A: The ghoulscorer ! Q: What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snail ? A: I don't know but it would slow him down ! Q: Which vampire ate the three bears porridge ? A: Ghouldilocks ! Q: Why did the vampire go to hospital ? A: He wanted his ghoulstones removed ! Q: What's a vampire's favourite drink ? A: A bloody mary ! Q: What's a vampire's favourite dance ? A: The fangdango ! Q: Which vampire tried to eat James Bond ? A: Ghouldfinger ! Q: What do vampires think of blood transfusions ? A: Newfangled rubbish ! Q: Why did the vampire baby stop having baby food ? A: He wanted something to get his teeth into ! Q: What happened at the vampires race ? A: It finished neck and neck ! Q: Where did vampires go to first in America ? A: New Fangland ! Q: What happened at the vampires reunion ? A: All the blood relations went ! Q: What do you get if you cross Dracula and Al Capone ? A: A fangster ! Q: What do vampires sing on New Year's Eve ? A: "Auld Fang Syne" ! Q: Why did Dracula go to the dentist ? A: He had fang decay ! Q: What did the vampire say to the wolfman ? A: You look like your going to the dogs ! Q: What is the American national day for vampires ? A: Fangsgiving day ! Q: If you want to know more about Dracula what do you have to do ? A: Join his fang club ! Q: Why are vampire families so close ? A: Because blood is thicker than water ! Q: What flavour ice cream is Dracula's favourite ? A: Veinilla ! Q: Why did the vampire sit on a pumpkin ? A: It wanted to play squash ! Q: Why do vampires like school dinners? A: Because they know they won't get stake ! Q: How do you join the Dracula fan club ? A: Send your name, address and blood group ! Q: What's a vampire's favourite animal ? A: A giraffe ! Q: Why was the young vampire a failure ? A: He fainted at the sight of blood ! Q: What happened to the vampire who swallowed sheep ? A: He felt baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad ! Q: What's Dracula's favourite coffee ? A: Decoffinated ! Q: What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot ? A: A bite in shining armour ! Q: What does a vampire bath in ? A: A bat tub ! Q: What did the vampire say after he had been to the dentist ? A: Fangs very much ! Q: What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold ? A: Coffin medicine ! Q: What does the postman deliver to vampires ? A: Fang mail ! Q: What's Dracula's favourite soup ? A: Scream of tomato ! Q: What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower ? A: A bat mat ! Q: What's a vampire's favourite dance ? A: The vaults ! Q: What do romantic vampires do ? A: Neck ! Q: Why do vampires hate arguments ? A: Because they make themselves cross ! Q: What does a vampire say to the mirror ? A: Terror, terror on the wall... ! Q: What is a vampire's favourite film character ? A: Batman ! Q: Why do people hate being bitten by vampires ? A: Because it's a drain in the neck ! Q: If a snowman marries a vampire, what will they name their first child? A: Frostbite Q: Why doesn't anybody like Dracula? A: He has a bat temper. Q: Why did Dracula go to the dentist? A: He had a fang-ache. Q: Why are vampires like false teeth? A: They all come out at night. Q: Why did Dracula take cold medicine? A: To stop his coffin. Q: Why does Dracula wear patent leather shoes? A: Sandals don't look good with his tuxedo.